future?

Look at my new favorite toy! My mommy bought it, and now I owe her a ridiculous amount of money! Wahoo! I LOVE that I took this picture of miBook with miPhone!

...so, the reason I try not to blog very often is that when I do, it either tends to be nothing, or a lot of complaints about what's going on with me. I feel like I ought to have moe to say in a blog than some angst-ridden teenager. But I need a place to let a lot of my stress out, so I guess we'll try this again, whenever I have internet.

Graduate school is ridiculously hard, and the more often I hear that "a person has to love the dirty bits of research for little to no pay to make it in this field," the more I doubt my ability to do much of anything, especially become a professor. I recently logged into Project Muse to see what I could dig up in the field of my undergraduate thesis, and found that someone else has already published almost my exact article. I was completely taken aback...I still am. What do I do with a year's work that is now apparently worthless? I found that she even referenced some of my same sources! Do I study her article to dissect it, or do I start anew with another topic, only to be thwarted again? I couldn't bring myself to read her whole article, and I don't know who to talk to about it. I've lost my drive to become published, at least in the critical field.
Chris's parents suggested once that I seemed to be more of a children's author/illustrator. Lately, that appeals to me more and more! Who doesn't want to spend their life dabbling in arts & crafts, and rhyme? I could be Dr. Seuss! THAT would be awesome!

so anyway. Those are my most recent jumbled thoughts...aside from money, lack of sleep, and the ongoing attempt to balance school and work.
see you later!